Chapter I: Exordium

Dearest readers,

Assalam o’ alaikum, namastay, konichiwa, bienvenido and greetings, fellow readers.

I shall expound upon this blog with an exordium to expose to you a rather exceptional expedition which I expedited upon an extraordinarily long time ago. Explicitly then, these excerpts are the exact, exclusive (yet excessively exaggerated) expressions of my exhuming excursions to the various exotic resorts within the Earthly exosphere. I expect your exuberance to be exhibited during the exercise of examining these rather exemplary explorations, for know that these excerpts are not mere eloquently excogitated excrements, but rather the expatiations of an artist exclaiming the “Earth” he has thus far exfoliated. Hence, without more ado (and in order to remain expedient), let us begin the tales of my exodus, more explicitly, the “Travels of a cynic”.

Log I: Pilot

Before I begin to cite the logs of my travels, allow myself to briefly introduce myself. My name is Dr. Sheikh I. M. Butt, and I am, in every sense of the title, a social scientist. Having done my Bachelor’s in both Economics and Political Science, a double Master’s in Cultural Anthropology of the Developing World and Political Economy, and a Ph.D. dissertation on “The REAL Origin of Man: Darwin, Jesus and Tom Cruise revisited”, I am specialized in several sciences, including mathematics (which, I know, is technically not a science), metaphysics, psychology (social and clinical), cosmologics, bioeconomics, Marxism, neo-Capital-/Corporatism, anthrosociopology, astropolitics and fundoreligionism. Sciences, I believe, are the greatest tools for the progression of mankind, and I am an avid believer in all sciences. Ideals are, of course, of a great importance to me, but science is the greatest religion because of its flawlessness and its desire to attain just this. Furthermore, I believe capitalism is the second greatest achievement of the 21st century, for it too is flawless, utility-maximizing and a provider of “the greatest benefit to the greatest number” (quoted by the finest political philosopher ever, J. S. Mill). In addition to these, I am proud to be an Anglo-Muslim, and a dual citizen/resident/consumer/social entity [a little joke amongst us Oxford dons] of both the most civilized nation in the universe, the Great Britian, and the ‘8th nuclear-powered’ developing country of the world, Pakistan.

Now as far as this journey is concerned, where I got the money to go to these exquisite, exotic and esoteric places is irrelevant. But for the record, being an industrialist is perhaps one of the greatest gifts God can give to a man living in a Third world country. The cheap labor, the untapped infrastructure, the exploitable government officials, the hungry-as-rabid-dogs politicians; such are the gifts of this wonderful country of ours where prosperity and economic growth thrive at a marvelous 6% per annum. And because I have enough resources to last me a lifetime, I believe it’s about time I rewarded myself with a well-deserved vacation to tour the known developing world to not only learn from its individuals, but moreso to teach the poverty-stricken, underdeveloped world how advanced civilization truly has become. Thus, my objective is to impart to them the knowledge that they lack yet so desperately need while learning from them [quoting Socrates for the word that had him killed] about the "Truth" of life. For an Oxford colleague of mine once said to me, “Butt, society’s been soft against you while it's been hard against others. So be a noble Butt and repay the society someday with what’s inside you. Just let it all out on the society. Ok, Butt?” I vaguely recall that this fellow loved saying my last name a lot and smiling every time he did [out of respect, I’m sure], but what he said to me that day echoed inside me forever. And today, I shall become that noble Butt and place my indentations on the sands of time for the world to see. Forthwith, I shall commence with my first excursion. Onwards, fellow comrades, thinkers and family men of Butts! To Mardan, the forgotten city of my home country.